Academic artists? Oxymoron?

There was a time when the phrase 'academic artist' was synomonous with a certain conservatism and use of traditional strophes that reflected the academic virtues of fine handling of paint, drawing of a certain standard and a certain 'resemblance' to the world of the viewer who would recognise the metaphors and the world that produced the works. A 'hang' may be as crowded as the Rowlandson of Somerset House but like the Royal Academy Summer Show one knew what one was getting.

Now the phrase has more chance of pertaining to an altogether more insubstantial, less skilful and frankly bizarre world.....for now we have a new breed of 'institutional academic artists'. These strange hybrid creatures (neither fish nor fowl) have realised that their 'practice' ( a cosy word for what they 'do' that has jettisoned the need to actually 'do' anything) is a fair hothouse flower that could not survive in the cruel harsh winds of UK PLC in a recession. having realised that their slender talents are unbankable in any BRITART fab cash in bank way they are flocking to peddle their wares at the feet of Symposiums and Academic meetings. spitting out acronyms like the funnel of one of Turner's Steamships and generally trying to survive by writing as much about themselves and doing as little actual 'work' as in artwork' as possible.

The Botanic Gardens at Kew do not have as rare and flimsy a bunch of Credit Crunch Orchids to maintain as the New Universities (desperate for AHRC money to keep the wolf from the door having spent all the cash the poor students have provided). One cannot turn around these days for collaborative projects, new commissions, artists in residence ( a wide term as will be seen) and lectures by people less able to academicise than actually 'do' anything. In the past there were often spurious connections to float the poor artist into the academic flow...

Some artists benefitted from a fragile correspondence between their practice and the particular specialism of a department...Lace or plastic, car engines, botany..tie-in art flourished and some artists swiftly moved from garrett to academic offices and never left such was the increase in prosperity not to mention the warmth involved.

Now we are at a fascinating juncture in this process as the wind of time and change starts to blow back on these poor fragile blooms. As the realisation that UK PLC is not only bereft of jobs but the talents to actually do something instead of just talk about doing it University departments are clutching at new straws...economic development and regeneration are the key.

From talking about their practice these hybrid 'Academists' are now spouting a whole new range of acronym driven homilies....again to keep their place in the warm flowerbed....it is too cold out in Real Land..too many redundancies too few opportunities.

So as the recession bites maybe one would expect the chill wind to produce some hardier perennials..maybe a return to some of those traditional practices and skills as mentioned in the old concept of 'The Academy'. No not a jot of it...

No it appears we will wait in vain for hardy snowdrops to bloom in their stead.

I have recently trawled through some academic notions of practice and whilst many reduce the brain to a sponge and yet others begger belief both in description and action none so far has matched my latest prize.....

An artist who shall remain nameless is speaking at a destination which alack shall also remain anonymous
on his revalatory practice of.......


'Pouring special brew on a station platform and shouting'

I wish dear reader that I could be making this up...but alas it is true. Said artist manages to not only stupify with the nonsensical act but then to explicate it in almost Johnson like hyperbole....Dear friends what looks like the drunken action of a immature less than gifted imposter is in fact art..and not only art but art of a high order..art that bears a direct descendance form the Greek Gods and Hermes himself and yes from a tradition of lay preaching....

This is where we are good kind people mouthing platitudes and accomodating gibberish in the name of art....

I may not know much about art but I do know many kinds of shit when it travails the ear and this is 100% genuine bullshit and some of our academic institutions live and breath this kind of nonsense.....so far...

Methinks a little pruning in the gardens of the comfortably well off not amiss...and soon.

Maybe then some of those real blooms and real skills can blossom without choking in the avant-garde weedbeds of edification, explication and plain verbose drivel......and we can leave that to rot like any good remnant of verdure on the roots of the finer arts.

And a handy gardening tip if it smells like shit it probably is...treat with caution and dig it under whenever possible.

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